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I remember as a child loving to fly high on the old metal swingset in our yard.  Swinging my feet, back and forth, higher and higher.  That feeling of weightlessness when you would reach the top of the arch...as high as you could go without crashing to the ground.  One time, pushing the envelope, I lost my balance at that critical moment, and came slamming down on the ground.  Flat on my back, the air in my lungs crushed out -- I had “the wind knocked out” of me.  Struggling to breath, I was terrified.  Tears in my eyes, and lungs pulling hard, the air began slowly to be pulled in, and over the next few moments, my breathing came easier, and my swimming head steadied.  I was fine, but I didn’t have that same trust in the swing that took me high in the air. 

The other day, we got a call that “knocked the wind out of me”.  As I have shared before, my husband is disabled, and impaired in a number of ways.  But somehow we manage.  He wasn’t feeling well, and doctor visit led to doctor visit.  The first tests came back – cancer.  When I heard that word, I mentally and emotionally fell to my knees.  My breath came hard and my thoughts swirled.  I was back on the ground of my childhood, fighting for air.

As my husband’s main caregiver, and also the provider for our family, my time is pushed to the max.  A challenge has been put before me that will take my thoughts, my attention, my physical strength and endurance. My art has to be considered in this suddenly complex time management puzzle.  But keeping art was never a question of priority.  It was a matter of surviving.

I can’t tell you that I have a handle on how we will do going forward.  But I can tell you that my art, the time in the studio and the action of creating, will be my lifeline.  It is a place that I make something beautiful out of thin air, and create with paint and brush, a work of magic. It rejuvenates me.  It feeds my soul. I know that it is essential that I keep going there, even in the challenging days ahead. This illness my husband fights may leave me exhausted, frustrated, and even afraid.  It is important to fill my heart with the joy that art gives me, even as I give my joy away in love and service to my ailing husband.  What we will do for love…